Senior Year

Yesterday, my government class went into the lecture hall and talked about Senior Project. Similarly, I had gone at the end of my junior year, but it all felt surreal that day. Everything up until now seems as if it were a century ago, and I am a mere observant on an innocent mortal's life. Reality, in other words, has not hit me yet about graduating, and when it does, it will knock me out cold.

Senior year is like a herd of wildebeests stampeding toward me, but I feel immobile and too paralyzed to move out of its way.



There used to be days when life was "fun", and honestly, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a weekend and did something worth a show-and-tell. I understand that some people declare that high school is the best part of a young person's life, but how can anyone enjoy it with so much pressure?! I have to take challenging classes and obtain equally impressive grades, I have to be the first one in my family to go to college and prove my father wrong, I have to get a job and maintain myself, and I have to make the connections to succeed without any help from family members (mostly because they don't know anyone "worth knowing"). High school students have a much higher chance at getting scholarships to enter the big name universities, and since I have no money to my name, I have to take advantage of where I stand. No where in this schedule, is there time to have fun and chill out with friends in a boring plaza in the middle of this boring town. 

Although I have a strict plan, there is that part of me that just doesn't want to grow up and remain nestled in my parents' home. As due dates for Senior project are getting closer and closer, I find myself procrastinating more and more. Instead of searching for scholarships and what college I want to sell my soul to for four years, I begin to reminisce about the simplicity of my childhood and how much I had overlooked everything.



There was once a man who raced into the parking lot of my apartment building, and he seemed to be going "too fast," that was how I thought of it. Of course I know realize that he was trying to avoid the police, who followed close behind my neighbor and quickly arrested him once cornered. I always thought this guy had done something wrong (obviously), but never did I think, "There's a drug dealer living in my apartment building!" I miss the innocence and ignorance that childhood brings. If it isn't events I had overlooked that I'm thinking about, I'm usually trying to capture the creative and imaginative mind I once had. My sister, my aunt (only eight months older than me), and I would play in my aunt's enormous backyard and invent worlds to explore. There were usually made-up realms that we created specifically for the game that we would play. One of the games I remember didn't have a name, but the three of us were trapped in a video game and had to defeat every level filled with monsters and other obstacles to break free. Where did all of that freedom of thought disappear to?

Now that I'm a Senior, I can only look back at my youth as a faint memory, scurrying out quickly out of my grasps. There is also one more thing to look forward to, and although implied previously, I'm going to state it more directly, and that is adulthood. By January I will turn 18, and even though I am Mexican and have passed the Quinceñera requirements, the age of 18 is much more intimidating. Voting for a better tomorrow is in my future, and other adult responsibilities that come with careers or short-term jobs, taxes. I am anxiously waiting for the herd of wildebeests to trample me with reality.